4.20.2016

On: Friendships & Being A Better Friend.

how to be a better friend
I'm an intense person,  and my intensity bowls over into relationships, particularly friendships for me, and I used to live by the 'Ride or Die' mentality, meaning that i'd expect friendships to be literally ride or die, (maybe not die, but sustain a small injury), but as I grow older and meet more people, the more I realise that my thinking may have been wrong, and in a way, the ride or die mentality is quite selfish. Now, bear in mind this is just me writing from the top of my head trying to feel my way around the topic, and of course i welcome discourse in the comments as per usual, as it's always interesting to hear other people's views, but I've come to the realisation that maybe we can become to expectant and in this world of instant gratification, who can really blame us? From trial and a lot of error, i've realised that sometimes I can be a bad friend, and in the past, I have been an awful friend, but it's good that I can admit that, we're all human after all, we make mistakes. We must learn from these mistakes to better ourselves, and one of my goals for this year is to learn how to be a better friend.
polaroid photo hipster
One of my biggest struggles during the ages of nineteen till about twenty two was trying to balance the D word with friendships, and it's probably one of the worst things about the big D. I felt like I was trapped in a well, and no one really cared, but unbeknownst to me, it wasn't a lack of care, it was not knowing what to do, and how to deal with it, and looking back on a few of my tumultuous friendships from those days, I can see where I was being selfish and allowing my situation to blind me, and not see how much my friends were also struggling and how much they did . Now, at age twenty four, I have a better grip on how to balance my struggles with the realities of life and I'm sailing along pretty smoothly, and if there is trouble on the horizon, i'm able to cope very well on my own. But that doesn't mean I don't go to my friends and family for the occasional hug, pep talk and wonderful company, now I'm just wiser and I understand that other people, friends or otherwise cannot fix all your problems with a magic wand, and that they are human too, with issues of their own that they are also dealing with, so it's a must to be understanding of that.

I don't like nor do I support superficial relationships, but i think a lot of girl-on-girl friendship breakups occur much like amorous relationships in the sense that people begin to feel misaligned. There has to be patience, mutual respect, understanding and a whole lotta love. We can't put so much pressure and expectancy on each other, instead, lets try to be a little more understanding and not take things to heart as much. Oddly enough, I created  a poll on twitter a month or ago asking people if they thought friendships should be ride or die, or if people have different friends for different occasions, i.e one friend may better at consoling, whilst another is better at keeping everything light, and a whopping 70% said they have a mixture of friends rather than just maybe two or three 'ride or die' friends

In a way, I feel that maybe I owe my past girl friends an apology for being so intense and expecting so much thinking that they were apathetic to my situations at the time, maybe they just didn't quite know what to do, and i think it's important to understand that, so to my old friends, I apologise, to my new friends, i'll do better.



What's your take on maintaining friendships and being a better friend?


x





9 comments

  1. Hi!

    On this one, I'm kind of like you. I expected every friend to be 'ride or ride' (Sorry I just choose to be like an African parent and not use the die word). And that's why I've had very few friends over time (like can be counted on one palm). But I've come to the same realisations as you have. You can indeed have different kinds of friends for different things- one for my fashion problems; for spiritual stuff; for relationship stuff etc. And they can be your ride or ride in those areas.

    pS: I used a picture of you in your TwentySix skirt on the interview with Desola on my blog. Wanted to get your permission before hand, but it slipped through my mind. Hope you don't mind. Xx

    www.KacheeTee.com

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    1. It's a good thing to come to realise to be honest! Someone on twitter posted something along the lines of "You have to understand where some of your friends may fall short in things you expect of them, and if you can't then you shouldn't be friends. And not all of your friends may be able to do the things that you can" I wish i could remember the @ of the woman that tweeted it as i thought it was so insightful!

      And of course you can use the picture! :) Have a lovely week

      xo

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  2. My best friend and I met 10 years ago today - how fitting! My relationship with her is very special and we treat each other almost like romantic partners. Everyone talks about your husband, wife, life partner, being with you 'til death do us part' but it might not be the case. Women statistically live longer so we need to look after those friendships just as much!

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    1. Aw that's so sweet! Friends are the family we choose after all :) I've become very close friends with two absolutely brilliant girls on my course and we see each other more or less every day, stress together, work together, drink together and have fun together and it feels so natural! I used to find myself pining for a romantic other half when i was lonely last year, but since making friends with these girls i haven't once thought about it which is interesting! :)

      xo

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  3. I just noticed that your sidebar photos are really blurry. I use blogger to for my blog and the same thing is happening to mine too. Do you know how to fix it?

    Rabecca/ midnightburnout.com

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    1. Hey love! I'm not too sure why either :( I just had to turn off images as they would not un-blur ugh!

      xo

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  4. One of the things about growing older is recognizing that sometimes people are only with you for a season, and that is quite alright. For me, absolute honesty is paramount in my friendships. Thank you for sharing this thoughtful, and vulnerable post.

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    1. Thank you for reading! And that's true, which is why I always try to keep on good terms with friends even if we drift apart due to location or a change in lifestyle!

      xo

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  5. You have such an apparent soul. It just shows through every photo you post if that makes sense. I love posts like this and I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way. It's nice to see someone put themselves out there truthfully.

    "There has to be patience, mutual respect, understanding and a whole lotta love. We can't put so much pressure and expectancy on each other, instead, lets try to be a little more understanding and not take things to heart as much."

    I love it. Thanks for sharing <3

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Thankyou for commenting :) I read every single one!

XOXO Sade

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