9.19.2017

Cupid's Chokehold.

Carnaby Street
boden pink coat
πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜πŸ’˜
As a child Mulan was (and still is) my favourite Disney film. I admired Mulan's strength and tenacity, in short I wanted to be just like her. I also noted at a young age how she softened under the gaze of Captain Shang who would then go onto be her other half. In my youth, I cradled the idea of being a strong woman, who would soften and open up once I found the one. Like a 'cactus flower only blooming at night' a loved one once told me... But I digress... I turned twenty six last week, and within the flurry of kind phone calls from my family and friends, were a sprinkling of prayers and morsels of well meaning but unsolicited advice which swung between the "AHHHH Sade! you're not getting any younger - think about your biological clock my dear" type of deal to "Don't spend all your time focusing on architecture - think about meeting someone soon"  and the classic, "Oh I know this guy you might want to meet". Which was met on my part with a polite laugh, an over the phone eye roll of exasperation and a strong NO to any playing cupid in my love life - or lack of it.
heart bag
Joanie clothing review
pandora do see the wonderful
I'm Nigerian if I haven't mentioned it before, and with most Nigerian women, as we're growing up we're always told to focus on our education and that knowledge and doing well academically is absolutely paramount - especially in school and university. So I find it laughable that after burying my head in books for the majority of my child, teen and adult life, that I'm expected to have magic-ed up the perfect boyfriend / husband overnight. And whilst love in all it's forms is something very beautiful and something that I am looking forward to, it's truly not something that I believe I should actively or desperately chase. What will be will be am I right? Whilst the whole marriage by 25, house by 28 and kids by 30 thing *was* a dream of mine during my years of childlike wonder, it's something that I think just *happens*, or doesn't *happen* and regardless I don't think shaming people and pressuring them into settling down (and later possibly regretting said decision) should be normalised. Better to be unhappy alone, than unhappy in the arms of another is my motto.

I've written extensively on the topic of love, learning how to be alone and enjoying singledom in your twenties, some of which I've had to go an re-read and remind myself of post break up a few months ago (There is nothing worse than taking your own advice is there?). In a roundabout way, the whole Arch job hunt has given me something else to focus on that isn't my finger hovering over the social media profile I shouldn't be visiting just to 'check up on', and general I'm going to die alone with three dogs and a cat named Mr Mittens feelings that come in waves in the space... after. So, you can imagine it's not all that enjoyable to be bombarded with 'you gotta find someone before it's too late' with each passing year. I think one of the good things to have come out of my breakup was that if things don't work - they don't work and that's a-ok (reader, I did not think this as I cried out what I think was every possible tear in my tear ducts back then) but now looking back on it, I don't regret anything, nor do I hold any beef, and in a strange way it's helped me deal with the flurry of 'when will you marry' questions from aunties. Now I'm a lot more relaxed about it all, and in no rush to settle down and indeed accidentally settle for someone  I'm not equally yoked with.

I'm not really sure how to end this one as it's a bit of word vomit and personal ramblings, so I'll leave you with an apt quote that I always look back on when I feel like I need to remember, everything in it's time...

“Love is the sister to Truth, but they differ in two ways. You must go to Truth to find her. She will never come looking for you. However, you are never to go looking for her sister Love. Love will find you in your own divine timing, when you are ready for her. So don't look, she will come. She always does.” 

Suzy KassemRise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

What I Wore...


DRESS - joanie clothing | COAT c/o boden | BAG - joanie clothing | SHOES c/o boden | JEWELLERY c/o pandora


x

11 comments

  1. You had me at Mulan! Lovely post, I just read your piece on being alone and loved it!

    Anika xo | anikamay.co.uk

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  2. This post spoke to me on so many levels. I find it tiresome and even avoid social events where I know a flurry of aunties will ask me the same one question. "When will you get married" -

    I completely agree with you, when it happens it'll just happen. I really hope that one day the Nigerian community will understand that you can be happy and amazing without being someone's wife...especially when you're still trying to navigate your way through the world.

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  3. I love your outfit! The coat is stunning.
    I also want to admit that I love Mulan as well, it will always be my favorite! Its funny because I am only 21 and I am hear stuff like that as well, but to me it is way more important my education and building a career.
    Love
    Pili
    To Read with Tea

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  4. Sigh. This post! I love it. First of all, (go down low...haha. sorry) I LOVE Mulan; it's my absolute favorite disney movie EVER! I've watched and re-watched it so many times, I can recite the movie and sing the songs (issues, I know). I love the values it teaches...it addresses issues women face today and it's a must-watch for every young woman, in my opinion.

    Anyways, on growing older and learning to love yourself/being alone/trusting God's timing and all, I'm at that stage and it doesn't get easier. As a nigerian girl living in nigeria, the pressure gets worse every day, especially because I'm the first child, I turn 30 this year and my younger sister is married with a baby that'll be 1 next month. Also just got out of a relationship that wasn't working and as much as I was hoping it would be "the one", I'd rather not settle and be single for a bit longer, while trusting in God's timing, than be unequally yoked, as you so aptly put it, and find myself "managing" my marriage.

    The comforting thing is, we know for sure that God has amazing plans for us and he will work everything out for our good eventually.

    You're doing great babe, keep at it.

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  5. I agree completely when you say what will be will be. This whole pressuring people to marry thing irks me, although I know most times these 'aunties' mean well. Better to be happy and alone than to be unhappy and married. I always enjoy your word vomit posts haha, enjoyed reading this :)

    Coco Bella Blog

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  6. Sade, I enjoyed this so much! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling a bit pressured (when IS this partner supposed to miraculously appear? The day after you've ticked all your education and career boxes? Crazy! ).

    I agree with you completely - it happens when it happens. Which is frustrating but also quite comforting, I think.

    I love that quote you included at the end, too. I've never heard of Suzy Kassem before but I'm off to do some research now... thank you for pointing me in her direction. :)

    Flora
    www.theeverchange.com



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  7. This was beautiful and I love your approach to it all. Everything has it's time as you rightly said x

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  8. Very true honey. I find my friends out there desperately searching for love get nowhere, far better to get on with building a life you enjoy and want and then see what comes your way naturally.
    Lauren
    livinginaboxx

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  9. Enjoyed reading this. So much. I think pressures are only normal and as Demi said, they mean well most times without knowing it gets annoying. The key thing is not bowing to those pressures as you already pointed out. I love all of the pictures and gosh, that quote! Saving it. xx
    Www.laitanbee.com
    The Insecurity Tag : 10 Things I'm Insecure About

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Sade! I decided to check out your blog after I watched your interview on 'Digital Diaries'. I have to say your style is super-amazing!
    As a Nigerian lady, I can totally relate to the biological clock spiel from well-meaning family members and friends.

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  11. Your dress is the cutest!

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Thankyou for commenting :) I read every single one!

XOXO Sade

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