4.16.2018

Flowers & Future.

Do you know why after almost eight years, I still write on this blog? (even though blogging is apparently dead - although that's another story for another day...) Is it the thrill of gaining new followers? Or the (very generous) PR gifts I’ve received over the years? No. I write for myself,  and in writing for myself  I hope some of these words and passing thoughts resonate with at least one person out there. This week I had a plethora delightful messages from women across the globe sharing their stories of struggle, growth and waiting, they thanked me for some of the previous posts I've written, they thanked me for my honesty in my Instagram stories, and they thanked me for being encouraging in the face of adversity. These messages spurred me into picking up my metaphorical pen and paper and allow the swirling thoughts that echo in my head and in my chest escape for a while. I wrote this post in the notes section of my phone two days after I walked in the rain home crying and singing "Be Still", fiercely declaring "surely love and mercy, your peace and kindness will follow me".  Last week was filled with hurt, dealing with others anger and a lot of confusion and it really broke my spirit, but it inspired me to pen this post. I hope these words help someone.
So, flowers and future. Where do I even start with this one, well maybe I should address my intermittent disappearances on this space, life has been well... happening I suppose and life has been throwing me curve balls and challenges that have been so much bigger than me. When the culmination of seven years of studying and working was coming to a close, I thought to myself “Sade, this is it, you’re almost at the end of this part of your journey, through this pain and pressure, you will birth great things, it is almost done”. I thought I’m going to find a job after graduation and I’ll work hard, and I'll play hard and life will be golden. I’m not sure where this idealistic view of life came from, but I suppose it’s what I told myself to get through those final difficult months, and then of course I finished, I graduated and life didn’t pan out how I had expected it to. In January I finally landed a role, and I wrote a post about new chapters, and indeed it was a new chapter (that has now closed), in that chapter I learned how to deal with difficult people calmly, l learned how to navigate meetings as the only woman on the team and I grew and grew and grew. But it wasn’t easy at all, I was crushed and pressed from all sides, and some mornings I would wake up, look at the ceiling and wonder if this is really what I had been called to do. The thing with future is that often when we encounter resistance, persecution and pain, in the beginning, it begins to warp our thoughts towards ourselves, our future and the plan for our lives. Where do I fit into all this? I’m not sure. I’m still on the fence in regards to whether I should keep pushing and pursuing architecture but for now, I will continue to try my best in all I do and live by faith, not by sight ignoring the path of least resistance.
Even faith as small as a mustard seed will grow and bloom into something huge, unexpected and beautiful. When we admire flowers for their beauty and delicate aroma, we don’t think of the battle they have gone through to get to their final form. As a tiny seed in the earth, she fought for water to grow, then she sprouted into a bud, searching hungrily for sunlight and hoping not to be crushed. The little bud grew more and more and soon she risked being cut early, being picked apart by the birds or  being trampled upon, but eventually the sun peeked out from behind the clouds warming the growing flower and she began to slowly blossom, each beautiful perfectly made petal slowly unfurling, unleashing bursts of fragrance, drawing people near to her and filling towns, cities, countries around the world with colour, scent and life. The little seed persevered, and she made it.
I’m trying to be a little more like the humble seed.  I’m trying to be more resilient, I’m trying to surrender to the soil, I’m trying to keep my gaze turned towards the sky, waiting, waiting, waiting patiently for the sun to warm this body, to fill me with life so I can finally burst into bloom. It might be in a month, it might be in a year, it might be in a decade, and it might never come whilst I’m on this earth, but I will continue to fight against my fear of the future, focusing on the here and on the now and letting the troubles of tomorrow be dealt with then. Keep looking towards the sky my friends, do not look left, do not look right, just keep on doing what you need to do to, timing is always a funny thing. As always much love and light, you're doing ok, you're doing ok.






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4.03.2018

On: A Few Things Friendship Has Taught Me This Year.

Carnaby St, Soho
The tips of my fingers were starting to feel a little numb from the cold and with it, I could feel the flickering embers of irritation being fed with each minute of lateness that my friend incurred. I huffed and puffed, pacing slowly outside the station, pulling out my phone for some semblance of an update and ... Nothing. She was late. Again. I wondered if I should carry myself and my approximately £20.46 worth of immaculately applied makeup back home, but then I remembered my promise of being more patient this year and I sighed, put my phone back in my bag, crossed my arms and waited. She eventually came bounding towards me with a colourful flash of braids, a bright jumper and a cheeky smile, shouting "I'm sorrrrrrrrrrrrrry!" in a voice that doused the annoyance in my chest and ignited the love I had for her. She linked my arm promising to be on time next time and sealed the deal by buying me a flat white.

You see I am an early bird by nature. I have about three alarms set every morning 'just in case'. I get to work half an hour early each day, 'just in case'. And I am almost always exceptionally early to just about everything 'just in case'. I am a planner by nature, a magpie to details, diaries and decisions. My friend, on the other hand, is more of a go with the flow kinda gal - something I've never been able to do. She blithely rolls out of bed whenever and just hopes for the best, sometimes she hits the nail on the head and sometimes she doesn't, and whilst being late isn't the best trait, I do think opposites have a lot to learn from each other. For example, I've become less militant and a little more flexible with timekeeping because of our friendship and in turn, she's been working on getting to places not only on time but slightly earlier - Brilliant right?! In this, I've learned to chill out more and become more flexible.
Imposter syndrome has been a losing battle for me over the last year, and my current life situation has heightened the feelings of fear, not being 'intelligent' enough and not being worthy of the space I'm taking up career-wise. It became so bad that I almost talked myself out of Architecture all together and thought about throwing in the towel once and for all, a very wise friend of mine who is currently killing it as a super successful and mega confident lawyer gave me some solid advice regarding my situation, saying that it is in the challenge that one grows and I've been trying to remember this every morning as I commute to work. It's a daily battle between myself and my mind, but I'm trying not to let imposter syndrome stop me from progressing in life.  In this, I've learned to try and not be so hard on myself.
As you hurtle through your mid to late twenties (particularly as a woman of African descent), the recurring question that people seem to ask is 'Are you dating anyone?' and 'When will you get married?' followed by a lot of unwarranted advice along the lines of changing yourself to attract a certain type of partner. By now I just laugh it off, because for me whether or not a partner is in my future isn't that big of a deal, in fact, my friend and I (An incredibly inspiring guy) were discussing love and finding love in our friends and family first and foremost. It completely blew my mind and made me rethink how I love the different people in my life, a lot of the time when we get partners, we tend to focus all our energies on this person and neglect the ones who were there before them. His enthusiastic and genuine love and care for the friends in his life made my heart warm with affection and I was reminded of how lucky I am to be a part of that love. In this, I've learned to remember to love my friends the same way I would love a romantic partner.
I'm forever trying to better myself, and for me, the best way to do this is to surround myself with people who inspire, challenge and love me, so here's to the friendships that are slow burning, infused with inside jokes, up's and down's, arguments and makeups, here's to the friendships that are instantaneous, electric and charged over last-minute coffee dates, here's to the friendships that are filled with reciprocal concern and energy, here's to the friendships that set up conference calls at 11:30pm on a work night to discuss the strategy behind approaching someone your friend fancies, here's to the friendships that are filled with honest tears and then in a split second racuous laughter. Here's to friendship.

What I Wore...

DRESS* - &otherstories | TRAINERS - new look | SUNGLASSES* - &otherstories | EARRINGS* - &otherstories | BASKET BAG - lekki market | WATCH* - shore projects


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