On: Running After Time.

What are the first things that come to your mind when you see the word ‘time’? Do you think of an elaborately gilded grandfather clock, loudly ticking away in a quiet corridor? Or do you think of days turning into weeks turning into months turning into years? Or do you think of a delicate glass sand timer, barely visible grains sifting quickly as if in a race to reach the smooth glass pooled bottom of the timer, a metaphor for chasing time? When I think of time, the words ‘running out’ flash neon in an erratic manner in my mind. A glaringly uncomfortable reminder of the fact that each second, each minute, each hour, and each day that passes is time moving ever forward. Time that I will never get back. Now, this isn’t a piece to scare you, but rather I think (hopefully when I finish writing this) it will be a piece that will encourage, uplift and light the fire under your ass to go out and get started with all that your heart desires for 2019 and beyond.

[ Dress c/o  &Otherstories | Boots c/o Boden | Hairclip - Asos ]

Whilst time is indeed a man-made construct, it is something that has always scared and baffled me. On my drown days, lying in bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling, my body still but the thoughts in my mind crawly dully, bumping into each other thinking, thinking... thinking about time. Ironically it’s usually about the time I’m wasting by allowing my fears to freeze me into doing absolutely nothing. And I suppose that’s the revelation I've had, time will continue to pass in front of me, whether I choose to step into what I’ve been called to do or not. Time is always passing yes, but time is not running out for you my darling. Hold tight to my words, heed them and hold them close to your heart. Whether you start today or start tomorrow, or even next week. Time is passing, but not running out. Don’t let that thought paralyse you into never going for the things you’ve always wanted to do.
The concept of time running out for me because I hadn’t achieved certain worldly milestones at a particular age or time was shattered last year when I realised that a.) in the words of my people, I can’t come and die and b.) I cannot let something that is simply a man-made construct dictate how I feel about myself and my life, and indeed how I live my life. I have actively had to choose to just live life, gently acknowledging each sunrise and sunset and everything in between, but realising that my achievements do not have to line up with the seasons changing and the days turning into nights. Life is to be lived, we are here to thrive and not simply be alive, let’s start really living outside of time this year. Promise friends?

[ photos by shotsbyfifi ]



Planted Not Buried: 2018 A Year In Review.

A brief few words...I’m typing this with a warm pastel de nata in my mouth and a piping coffee in my hand. Thoughtfulness, reticence, and tranquillity fall over me like a veil.  Last year was interesting, to say the least, filled to the brim with uncomfortable experiences, I had thought 2017 was a difficult year - but boy did 2018 come through hard. There were times where I quite literally thought I could not and would not make it through. It seemed that I would carefully take one step forward only for the ground to give way, forcing me to crawl back to the starting line like an injured bird. 
I had initially wanted to write this post similarly to how I wrote last years post 'Six defining moments', but I typed it up - and scrapped it all (hence the late upload) because it didn't feel quite right and I felt like I was forcing myself to find six defining moments. For me there weren't specific defining moments last year - I can honestly say that the entire year was a learning curve that taught me how to deal with disappointment, hostility, fear, sadness and so much more. More specifically I learned how to be more vulnerable and I really opened up my heart to people that I trusted and in turn, they held my heart like a prized possession, gently, and they soothed my fears with gospel before allowing me to place her back into my chest. My job situation was probably something you've all gotten a little bored of hearing about oui? I myself am honestly exhausted about forever talking about academia and careers but I have a duty to write about ALL the things - good and bad. Last year, I started a job - and subsequently left that job (along with every other employee) due to a highly aggressive director. I then started another job - and subsequently left that job on a mutual decision due to it not being the right fit. I then started another job - finally, the job of my dreams, wonderful directors and an office dog to boot, with a direct train from my house to the office - and subsequently was let go of just before Christmas due to uncertainty in the construction industry (thanks Brexit ugh). So astonishingly I'm back where I started this time last year, except with a huge amount of new work in my portfolio and a lot of new skills and programmes under my belt. I spent December packing up my things in the office and wishing my old employers well (they really are the best!), and spent the holiday period with family and friends, laughing, drinking and eating. If anything, this has been a wonderful year for friendships, from my friends gathering together to send me flowers and a stupendously sweet card (covered in images of all of us *sob*)when they heard about my bad news to friends quite literally holding my hands whilst i cried.
I spent a lot of time in 2018 listening to Pastor Michael Todd's 'Planted Not Buried' series, and it truly redefined the way I looked at my circumstances, now in January 2019 I can look back at last year as either being buried in the dirt or planted in it. The dirt is dark, it is uncomfortable, it feels like you're trapped, but it is the very place in which a magical work is being done, and it is a choice, whether you yield to it, or you push against it. I'm choosing to yield and I'm allowing the 'dirt' to do a work in my life that will be transformative, spectacular and beautiful... All I have to do is keep working, even when it's dark, scary and uncomfortable. This year will be the year I drop good news on the blog and it will stay because it was planted in good soil and built on sturdy foundations.
I'm looking forward to what this year brings. Hopefully, new career prospects and so much more to come. Happy New Year Family, let's make it a good one.

photography by Yossy Akinsanya - Edits by myself.


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