How To Be A Better Person.

Nobody will know you as well as you know yourself. You know your deepest most wildest desires, you know what makes you tick, you know what will bring a smile to your face. You also know what will irritate you and what will bring out the worst in you, you also know the darker parts of yourself that aren't so good. Now no one is perfect, and no one ever will be perfect because we're humans, and as humans we do good things and we can also do bad things, and people can and will unfortunately do bad things to us. During my late teens and early twenties, I was a ball of emotions. I was angry, sad, disappointed, disillusioned and I didn't know how to control those feelings so it was often the people closest to me that were pierced with the shrapnel from an explosion of harsh words and not so kind actions whenever things weren't 'okay'. I made a conscious effort to undo this type of behaviour and I think it's important to be able to self analyse and pin point areas of weakness or ways in which you'd like to grow positively. I've noted three key ways in which I've been trying to keep myself in check over the years and I thought the boss lady suit trend would be the perfect way to share this with you guys!

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼ Take On Board Criticism. ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼
If there's anything that Architecture school taught me, it was to take on board criticism whether I liked it or not, and by this I mean not going into defence mode if people tell you that your actions are hurtful or harmful. More often than not, people are telling telling you because they care about you and your well being, as well as the types of vibes you're giving off. Listen and really make a point to understand their point of view, even if you don't agree it's highly respectful to at least listen to what others are saying (as long as it isn't extremely inappropriate that is). Analyse the criticism and ask why they feel that way, and ask advice on how you can begin to implement better practices. A good example of this is having Supal and Kristabel always giving me honest opinions on my blog posts, what works better than others, ways I'm doing well and places where I can do a little better, and I truly appreciate their honesty because they want the best for me and this little space on the web!

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼ Think Of How It Will Make Others Feel. ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼
I wrote a small thread on twitter this week lamenting our lack of empathy in the 21st century. A great way that I keep myself in check in regards to the things that come out of my mouth is to first think of how it might make others feel. Do I want to be *that* person? Someone who is forever critical and judging, someone who always puts their emotions first, someone who doesn't think of the bigger picture and the long term effects? No. I don't, so I remind myself constantly that words do indeed have power and this power should be used wisely. There's an old Yoruba saying that goes something along the lines of "You don't need to use the whole of your mouth to say things" and its a saying that keeps me in line on a daily basis.

 ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼ Be The Bigger Person. ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼
Living in London, I've had to really learn to reign it in because whooooo lawd will people try you! Instead of arguing with strangers on the tube, I've learnt that for my sanity and well being it's better to just walk about from minor altercations. Gotta shrug it off and take the high road sometimes because in the long run what will arguing with a stranger who pushes in front of you for the tube do? Absolutely nothing except get you more angry because the person in question will not give a single shit about you and your feelings and you'll just expend more unnecessary energy getting angry at them. Long story short? Shake it off and let it go. It's not worth it.

What ways do you keep yourself in check?

What I Wore...

BOSS LADY VIBES - myself | COAT , SHIRT, TROUSERS & LOAFERS all c/o boden | GLASSES - rayban | LIPSTICK - colourpop



3 Things I Learned After University.

Regent Street
My graduation photos sit grandly in my parents living room, my face awkwardly channeling Tyra Banks' infamous 'Smize' and my hands gripping the faux diploma with mild panic because if I remember correctly my earring was just about to fall off. I walk past this photo almost daily, and each day I look at it with a mixture of surprise, annoyance and mild exasperation. I finally did it. This won't be a post on my university experience because I still don't think I'd be able to properly write about it without being super biased given my current life situation, so that'll come... Soon. But in the meantime, the biggest life changes for me have come after the studying, after the celebrations, after the degrees.

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼  1. How To Deal With The "What Are You Doing Now?" Question.  ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼

The most asked question I get online, meeting someone for coffee or even just from family and friends in passing is "So what are you doing now?", and it's a question I'm still not really sure how to answer. You see, I'm sort of just... getting on with things, "what things?" they ask. "Well... a bit of everything really" I reply cryptically, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot wishing the questions would end, but as soon as you don't give a definitive answer, oh ho! that's the very moment in which the questioner begins to fire off a series of job interview like questions in regards to your situation. People are naturally curious, that's just how we work and for the most part people aren't asking to be mean or nosy, but more so they genuinely want to know how you're doing, so now I'm less awkward when people ask and I try to gently unpack that my blog, Instagram and a handful of freelance jobs are my job at the moment.

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼ 2. How To Be Patient. ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼

I am one of the most impatient people in the world. I like things to be efficient, quick and well done. I have no time for slow walking people in central London and I tap my fingers furiously if my food takes too long in the microwave. I've touched on this before, but whilst finishing off my degree show, I was adamant everything would have fallen into place by August latest. I had even pre-planned my 26th Birthday celebrations which were to be held in Paris. It's now October, and we're hurtling fast towards Christmas and guess what, none of what I had planned worked out. During this time I've forcibly learned the fine virtue of patience or run the risk of going batshit crazy. A watched pot never boils as the old saying goes...

⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼  3. How To Be Humble. ⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼⎼

For someone who had naively pre-planned the entirety of her life post university, the slap that reality dealt me upon finishing was unbelievable. I was like WOOOOOOOOW so this is how it's going to be?? With a good 95% of my year employed quickly after university, I genuinely did not think I'd be one of the very few struggling to find a job after I'd finished. The feeling was and in a way still is, very awful. I spent a lot of June, July and August crying, comparing myself to others and slating my own work. In that time I gradually began to realise a very hard truth, and that was that I wasn't in any way special. Now hear me out, this isn't me belittling myself, but rather opening my eyes to understand that I wasn't the only graduate in this situation, there are millions of us striving for a better life, for better jobs, for the career we've dreamed of and worked hard for, and that it's just a combination of luck, hard work and good timing that determines things. I understood that I just had to keep going and in the meantime adopt gratitude and happiness in all other things that were coming my way until my dream job came knocking.

So my friends, what valuable lessons has life taught you?

What I Wore...

DRESS c/o sugarhill boutique | BAG c/o coach | SHOES - zara 



This Week In Photos [1].

In addition to sharing snippets that don't quite fit on the curated Instagram grid over on my stories, this week I thought about documenting daily life this week through a series of more 'mundane' photos and it's been incredibly fun just taking out my camera and snapping away. There's something very liberating about taking photos for fun as opposed to the more serious moolah backed and contact signed photos that come with brand collaborations. A healthy balance of both is best I suppose as a gal's gotta eat, but a gal's also gotta have fun! 
I consider Sunday the *real* beginning of the week for me. Sunday's are slow for us, filled with coffee, church, friends and finding corners of West London we've yet to explore. Sunday's word was on hearing and understanding the word but choosing not to abide by it and it was something that really resonated with me and I left feeling a lot more thoughtful in regards to how I honestly live my life vs how I'd like to live my life. My goal for the week was to be more patient - I failed miserably and ended up cursing a very rude man who walked into me later on that week oops!
Monday was lovely because we swanned around Southwark for the morning checking out Hej Coffee before afternoon tea and clay sculpting at London Wildflower. I'd met the founder, Nikki at a dinner Airbnb hosted for us back in July and I just knew I wanted to learn more about Nikki and her classes. It felt odd at first, feeling so at home in a strangers house sat around a table playing with lumps of clay with women from all walks of life, and indeed all over the world. It was nice to just let go and embrace a childlike view of creating, capturing and having fun. I loved that the whole experience wasn't to take home a perfectly polished piece but rather to just let go and be in the moment. 
On Tuesday I went to Acton to visit  my Archi-friend and old flatmate Domi who recently moved to London. We went to Kew Gardens in Richmond which I'd never quite gotten round to visiting. It was BEAUTIFUL! (But ridiculously warm!). Much of the day was spent oogling beautiful foliage, admiring the joints on the hive installation and reminiscing about postgrad.
The rest of the week was a blur of job rejections with the same "we liked you, we just liked someone else better" line, and after not one, but three job rejections within an hour on Thursday, I promptly shut my laptop, went to make some green tea, and opened a book instead which is a vast improvement from me welling up with tears and tearing myself to shreds so *clap clap* for me on my progress haha! My friend Stuart landed an Architecture role up in Manchester this week which made me super happy! But also sad as we worked together during our year out so I'll miss his presence down south a lot, but it means more visits back to the lovely north! I love Manchester so I can't wait to go visit when he's all settled in.

What has your week looked like?



St Dunstan In The East.

St. Dunstan in the East
st dunstan in the east
When I first received these images from Angela, I sat mouth agape at how utterly talented she is with her camera. I nervously ummed and ahhhed as to how to piece together some sort of story to go with such beautifully captured imagery. I knew I didn't want to write about this dress (which I do love), because writing about clothes is a skill I simply do not possess, I also knew I didn't want to delve too deeply into a history of the location because it may make for a boring read, so what did that leave me? Well my friends... I'm not sure to be honest, but it's a story about our time shooting here nonetheless [Read : Wordvomit].
London is a maze of one Architect's ego competing with another as to which studio  has the shiniest, biggest and tallest building to the company name, so as an Architecture graduate (soon to be Architect - I'm speaking it into existence ok!), it's rare for me to focus on anything around the city that isn't something that I'd aspire towards design wise, you see I've analysed Rogers' Lloyds building, looked at the facade details for the 'walkie talkie' building and stared at the gherkin with a mixture of admiration and mild disgust, but I digress, on a warm Sunday afternoon I met Angela between London Bridge and The Tower of London, at what I can only describe as ones of the true jewels of the city's crown, St Dunstan's in The East. Quite literally nestled between the shiny new builds,  with the shard peeking through in the distance, St Dunstan's is a grade 1 listed church and gardens. Reader, I simply cannot even begin to convey the exquisite beauty of St Dunstan's, there really isn't anything like it, the bombed ruins of the church are home to many varieties of plants and wildlife that come together in it's beautiful enchanted like green expanse.
st dunstan in the east
st dunstan in the east
st dunstan in the east
As we (amongst a few groups including a wedding party!) were shooting in the gardens, we struck up conversations about blogging, life, and chasing new ventures and dreams. For Angela it was her passion for photography, which I'm sure we can all agree from these photos alone is a brilliant idea, and for me, it was being stuck at the junction between pressing onwards towards my dreams and admitting defeat, both of which I have yet to come to a conclusion to. But it was ironic in a place that is both beautiful architecturally and indeed from a photographic point of view that we were able to discuss aforementioned ideals. Golden hour began to peek through the clouds and I almost felt a little like Cinderella leaving once the clock stroke twelve - which in my case was probably around 4:30pm, and I have to say it felt  like I was sinning by leaving such a beautiful place behind without having truly unveiled it's treasure. As I hopped onto the Circle line my heart felt full having been able to discover such a veritable treasure trove of nature in all her glory and having met the very kind Angela - who I most definitely recommend for any photographic needs as she is patient, understanding and super creative, all whilst making one feel totally at ease which says a lot for someone as nervous as me.

St Dunstan till we meet again... (very soon hopefully)

What I Wore...

DRESS - asos | SHOES - primark | GLASSES - rayban | NECKLACE* - adore

[Photography by the Angela Shek]


Cupid's Chokehold.

Carnaby Street
boden pink coat
As a child Mulan was (and still is) my favourite Disney film. I admired Mulan's strength and tenacity, in short I wanted to be just like her. I also noted at a young age how she softened under the gaze of Captain Shang who would then go onto be her other half. In my youth, I cradled the idea of being a strong woman, who would soften and open up once I found the one. Like a 'cactus flower only blooming at night' a loved one once told me... But I digress... I turned twenty six last week, and within the flurry of kind phone calls from my family and friends, were a sprinkling of prayers and morsels of well meaning but unsolicited advice which swung between the "AHHHH Sade! you're not getting any younger - think about your biological clock my dear" type of deal to "Don't spend all your time focusing on architecture - think about meeting someone soon"  and the classic, "Oh I know this guy you might want to meet". Which was met on my part with a polite laugh, an over the phone eye roll of exasperation and a strong NO to any playing cupid in my love life - or lack of it.
heart bag
Joanie clothing review
pandora do see the wonderful
I'm Nigerian if I haven't mentioned it before, and with most Nigerian women, as we're growing up we're always told to focus on our education and that knowledge and doing well academically is absolutely paramount - especially in school and university. So I find it laughable that after burying my head in books for the majority of my child, teen and adult life, that I'm expected to have magic-ed up the perfect boyfriend / husband overnight. And whilst love in all it's forms is something very beautiful and something that I am looking forward to, it's truly not something that I believe I should actively or desperately chase. What will be will be am I right? Whilst the whole marriage by 25, house by 28 and kids by 30 thing *was* a dream of mine during my years of childlike wonder, it's something that I think just *happens*, or doesn't *happen* and regardless I don't think shaming people and pressuring them into settling down (and later possibly regretting said decision) should be normalised. Better to be unhappy alone, than unhappy in the arms of another is my motto.

I've written extensively on the topic of love, learning how to be alone and enjoying singledom in your twenties, some of which I've had to go an re-read and remind myself of post break up a few months ago (There is nothing worse than taking your own advice is there?). In a roundabout way, the whole Arch job hunt has given me something else to focus on that isn't my finger hovering over the social media profile I shouldn't be visiting just to 'check up on', and general I'm going to die alone with three dogs and a cat named Mr Mittens feelings that come in waves in the space... after. So, you can imagine it's not all that enjoyable to be bombarded with 'you gotta find someone before it's too late' with each passing year. I think one of the good things to have come out of my breakup was that if things don't work - they don't work and that's a-ok (reader, I did not think this as I cried out what I think was every possible tear in my tear ducts back then) but now looking back on it, I don't regret anything, nor do I hold any beef, and in a strange way it's helped me deal with the flurry of 'when will you marry' questions from aunties. Now I'm a lot more relaxed about it all, and in no rush to settle down and indeed accidentally settle for someone  I'm not equally yoked with.

I'm not really sure how to end this one as it's a bit of word vomit and personal ramblings, so I'll leave you with an apt quote that I always look back on when I feel like I need to remember, everything in it's time...

“Love is the sister to Truth, but they differ in two ways. You must go to Truth to find her. She will never come looking for you. However, you are never to go looking for her sister Love. Love will find you in your own divine timing, when you are ready for her. So don't look, she will come. She always does.” 

Suzy KassemRise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

What I Wore...

DRESS - joanie clothing | COAT c/o boden | BAG - joanie clothing | SHOES c/o boden | JEWELLERY c/o pandora


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