One of my promises for this blog was to get back into writing, because after all it was excessive sharing and writing that got me here in the first place, but that's another interesting story for another time. Fashion is fun, as is beauty, but one thing i've always found therapeutic, is writing. I was reading through Stella's (Stella's Wardrobe) post on "Generation Single" and it inspired me to write this.
Your twenties are often described as your "pinnacle years". They are said to be the years that shape and mould you into the person you will be. As i'm approaching the ripe old age of twenty three and the clanging of the mid-twenties-oh-my-gawd-sort-your-life-out-bell is fast upon me, so many things run in and out of my head. Currently it's "What the hell do I do after I graduate?" and "Oh my gosh i'm going to die alone with ten cats aren't I?". In your twenties, particularly if you're approaching your mid-twenties, there is this tendency to want everything here and now, and we constantly compare ourselves to our friends and other acquaintances. There are some things in life you simply cannot control, so when things don't quite go our way in life, it hits hard.
I think loneliness is something many of us deal with as a society today. But I don't think being alone in regards to relationships is such a bad thing, it took a lot to change my view on that though. When I was younger, i'd say (with confidence) that I'd meet my true love at university, i'd be engaged by twenty-three (twenty-four at most) married at twenty-five and with kids by my thirties. Whilst, this could all very well happen (Albeit rather late considering i'm approaching twenty-three and I still manage to repel the opposite sex) I've finally realised that finding love is not the be all and end all of life.
Something interesting happened to me between the ages of nineteen and twenty-one, I often call these my "drowning years" because everything that could go wrong, went wrong. I worried and worried about things that, now that I look back on, were very underwhelming and highly unimportant. I put my eggs into baskets that had holes in them and after a while, I was very alone. One of the main reasons for starting this blog was that it was an outlet for the intense loneliness I felt when I began University. Writing and having lovely people like yourselves take interest and comment was very cathartic, and while the company though my laptop screen was wonderful for a while, I couldn't ignore the fact that I felt like I was in a very deep dark hole without a ladder. My problem wasn't being alone as such, but rather the type of aloneness i felt. I didn't understand how to be alone, or rather i should say, I didn't know how to enjoy my own company, I couldn't bear the silence, I hated it, I cried, I screamed and sulked. Why doesn't anyone want me? Those words would squeeze the breath out of my lungs and hit me square in the chest almost every night, but... Something shifted, and till this day i'm still not sure what exactly it was but slowly and softly, I began to enjoy my solitude, and i realised, that I didn't need someone to complete me, I needed myself to complete me. And so began the relentless journey towards radical self love, I read writings and poems from other women who were in the same situations as me, and I fed off their resilience. (Here are two of my favourites, one by Caitlyn and one by Warsan) Every word laced with femininity and sheer strength helped me get to where I am now, and although things might not be perfect, i can still appreciate the wonder in everything, and for once, myself.
Love is a beautiful thing, and I can't wait to experience it in it's fullness, but never feel that there is something wrong with you because the love your friends are experiencing has yet to hit you in the chest. I'm a firm believer of good karma and everything in it's own time. So, if you're alone right now, and you feel like the whole world is crashing down beside you, you are not alone. I'm here, in my little bedroom sending you warmth, positive vibes and love. Focus on the most important thing, yourself, look at yourself, you are beautiful, wonderfully made and perfect with every flaw. If you don't love yourself, who on earth can love you?
And if you needed a little nudge, watch the video above called "How To Be Alone". It's one of my favourites. Remember to take care of yourself this Valentine's Day. Self care and Self Love are so important. ♡