I stopped reading for a long time. In between 2012 and 2013 I can honestly say I didn't pick up a single book to read for pleasure. The only books I read were University texts for my dissertation or some other written assignment and at the end of last year i somehow fell back in love with curling up with a good book and a warm mug of coffee. I was looking for coats in a charity shop back in October last year and saw some books on a 'four for £1' offer and i guess the rest was history. Now every morning on my commute to work and on my way home I sit quietly, oblivious the hustle and bustle of serious looking suit wearer's and briefcase holders and i block out the crying voices of children and angry mothers trying to get their kids to school whilst i while away the time with my nose buried in a new book. I'm aiming for one a week so i can exceed my goodreads target of 30 books this year and get acquainted with all sorts of books from fiction to non fiction, adventure to feminism. ALL THE BOOKS I can get my fingers essentially.
I've mostly been reading so much because I've felt microscopic and quite alone lately, and I know i've been trying (believe me i really have) to feel better but it's so hard to even want to wake up some mornings, particularly the weekends when i don't have to be at work. Monday to Friday I can function pretty well as I have a responsibility to be somewhere and get things done and I almost welcome extra hours of work because it means i can busy myself and not think, and that makes things a little easier. The weekends are hard though. Very hard. On friday nights i just buy myself some sushi, maybe another book, come home to a quiet bedroom and a very old teddy bear that is always happy to see me. I hate using the 'D-word' but reading has really helped with said D-Word. Because i'm lost in a mass of swirling words and someone else's thoughts, it means i don't have time to think too much of my own and allow my own grey cloud of sharp words to overwhelm and consume me.
I'm onto my second book of the week after finishing "The Fault in Our Stars" yesterday. I want to write a lot about it but i'm still sort've processing it and i'm contemplating reading it again because some books are just so heart-achingly sad that you need to make sure of it you know? The book has inspired me to be a little kinder and not take life or anything for granted so I'm trying to do nice things for others, like giving up my seat on the train to work, or paying for someone's morning coffee. Try it yourself! You can even just call or text someone who you know is suffering from one thing or the other. We shouldn't let each other feel so alone, because we might just be the person to pull another back from the brink. Enough sad rambling for one night, it's March, a new month and a clean slate so let's make it a good one. Plus i am a firm believer of things happening (or not happening) for very good reasons that we'll look back on one day.
Something to think about this week, and as always I hope it's a wonderful for each and every one of us. Much love, and much light. (PS recommend me some of your favourite books!)